Finding the Christmas Spirit

Not So Good News
My lovely readers, the weekend didn't have a great kick-off.  It started on Friday with some unsettling health news for a loved one, the very same day, when I went out to clean out my bunnies, I found my beloved giant bunny with her eyes swollen shut and having difficulty breathing. We rushed her to the vet but my poor girl was diagnosed with suspected Myxomatosis and so didn't come home with us... Needless to say; though I am certain we made the right choice for her, I am feeling a little bruised on the inside.

~My Girl: Holly~

Gettin' in the spirit
In desperate need of a pick-me-up, I had my hair done and treated myself to some new leggings and leg warmers on Saturday. (I have never owned a pair of leg warmers in my life.. but these were soooo cute, I couldn't resist. Totally rocking the legging/warmer/skater shoe look!)

~Cute and warm..
A similar design to mine...~

Today has marked the official beginning of getting in the festive mood, and it's been a busy day full of shopping and decorating. We have navigated our way through the throngs of people, been patient in queues whilst other people (who are old enough enough to know better) tutted and huffed, wrestled with a tree and untangled lights... Oh don't get me started on the lights. Urrrrraaagh! I swear there are Christmas light imps that just love to tangle them and leave them in a state... and there are never any spare bulbs in the colour that's required...
And there is still a million things left to do... cards, presents to find let alone buy and wrap, food, all the little extras, organising when to see everyone...

It's left us (and probably a lot of people out there) feeling a little like this:

~The tea cosy can also be... A hat!~

 

 

Yep, this is a pic of my son with a Christmas pudding tea-cosy on his head... When the going gets tough, there's nothing like burying your head in the s... Pudding?!

(Seriously. Who uses tea cosies now? This came down from the attic with the rest of the x-mas gear and was a gift three or four Christmases ago..)

Though things were manic and a little stressful, we had lots of fun today and OJ made us laugh with his tea-cosy-on-the-head game. Little baby Z, now more confident in toddling around, was into absolutely everything. He kept running off with things he shouldn't with such a mischievous look about him that we couldn't be mad as it was so funny.
I can't help but feel proud of the patience my children showed today. They were rushed around, in and out of the car, stuck waiting in queues, waiting for us to "just finish this last thing" etc.
It's so easy to get buried in the pressure to get everything done but it was wonderful just to take a precious moment here and there to absorb our children's wonder and excitement.

I won't get up on my soap box and ramble on about remembering the meaning, joy and hope of Xmas, but just to say that I really hope that if you guys are getting a little stressed out that you still mange to find lots of fun and laughter in the count-down to the 25th December.

~There is a tree under all those lights... Honest!~

 

An Early "Midlife" Crisis?!

Oh $h*t.














The count down has begun.



I have two weeks left at home with my darling boys; before the dreaded return to work after maternity leave.

I don't know why, but I somehow convinced myself that it would be O.K. this time 'round, that I would be able to cope much better but I am on official FREAK OUT peeps!

shhh, I'm hiding!

It's made worse by the fact that I think I am having  a midlife crisis of sorts... (Doesn't the term "Midlife Crisis" actually refer to one being in midlife?! I'm not there yet...)

Brace yourself, rambled explanation to follow:

When I was in school, I decided that I would follow a career in nursery nursing as it would result in a stable job. Being the eldest of six kids and supporting my siblings upbringing, childcare was the natural/obvious route to go.
I worked hard, got into college, (had a fit of rebellion and nearly messed it up) qualified and went into work.

A couple jobs later (due to bullies making me move on)  I settled at my current job. Career-wise, I was finally happy.

Then my miracles came into the world and suddenly it's all changed.

Having my own children has made me re-evaluate everything.

Where do I go from here?

It just seems weird to me that I  am leaving my own children to go and care for someone else's all day.
It wasn't too bad when I went back to work the first time. I just went back into my usual role, working in the foundation stage of the school (2-5 year olds).

This time around, a year away has made a heck of a difference. There have been huge staff changes including several new Head teachers. Also, my line manager has gone on long term sick and no one knows if she will return.
I am not even returning to my usual role. I am being placed within a "nurture group". Translation? Year one kids who can't technically cope with year one.

In reality, this won't be bad. My normal, seeing-things-rationally-self would observe this as an awesome, new challenge. But I can't seem to shift the feeling that the school just didn't know what to do with me, as I wanted part time hours, so I was more of an inconvenience. An: oops, we gotta get her back in somewhere, after-thought.

Suddenly, nothing makes sense. I don't want this career anymore. I don't want to leave my children... But I have a mortgage to pay and mouths to feed. I have no choice.

College has been on my mind. But what would I study? Where do I want to go exactly? Could I even leave my job? The thought of leaving to try something else (possibly failing) is daunting. At least with this job, it's term time only, which works quite nicely having children... What is it they say? Swings and round-abouts?!

It's not just returning to work which has sent my head in spin, it's the thought that we need to move house as this one is so cramped. It's all the decorating jobs left undone...
It's the fact that my eldest boy OJ, is going through so much change himself. He's potty training, got his first "big-boy's" bed and he will be starting pre-school in October (hopefully, if the setting I really want him to go can give him a place.... Stressed much?!  *sigh* )

I'm lucky that my kids are going to be cared for by my mum-in-law, a lady who I adore and have a fab relationship with, but it doesn't stop the pang of jealousy that she will have my boys. Especially the fact she will be supporting OJ when he starts pre-school. At risk of sounding over-sensitive/dramatic, the thoughts have almost brought me to tears.

I've been tying myself in knots. I just feel that I am missing something. I should be doing something different with my life but I just can't seem to find it. The more I look, the more elusive the answer.
I would love to just read and write all day, but I have to stop the day dreaming and actually construct some kind of realistic, sustainable plan.

Maybe I should just give in to the crisis...

I'll get a tattoo...

(Isn't that what people do when suffering the midlife crisis?)



It's that or the leather jacket and motor bike...

Apologies for the ramble, there is just so much change to deal with. Any thoughts/suggestions welcome!

Thanks for reading! (I feel better!)