*Flumps into computer chair.*
Well. That was certainly a bumpy kinda week!
As many of you will know, my year's maternity leave came to an end and I was back to work on Monday. My first week back to work was... Hard.
I am only going back to 20 hours a week, but believe me, this is more than enough and more than I would like to be doing. But "needs must" as they say and, with a mortgage to pay and hungry mouths to feed then this is just the way of it.
Going back to work was always going to be difficult for me. I knew that I was going to have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I want to be out there earning a living, I have always worked for what I have, but then on the other, leaving my own children (and so young) to work with other peoples' leaves me feeling rather odd.
I also hadn't been realistic about what the impact of going to work was going to have on the me-time I had been carving for myself during maternity leave... I'm just physically and mentally exhausted. So much so that by Thursday, I hadn't read a line of my current novel, been anywhere near my running shoes and I hadn't even managed to get a single note/idea down for my writing projects... Withdrawals? You bet!
Confession? I was going to write up this post yesterday, but my own work-in-progress-hoping-to-be-a-novel-someday was calling and I couldn't help but go with it. It felt glorious to sink back into the mind space of my story. Finally. Some normality! (I'm in the midst of re-working chapter three - it really does suck!)
After a shaky start leaving the house, I was fine as I walked from my car and through the doors. That was until my colleague looked at me with the same sympathy and concern one would give to a kitten in the rain and that just did it. I ended up an embarrassing, blubbering mess!
It was all her fault of course.
Yeah. Way to go on sucking it up and getting on with things Schez!
But my co-workers were great and let me settle in slowly. It helped that I could flex a bit of the creative muscle and, I was also busy getting to know my new colleagues and children in the nurture group I am now supporting.
When I arrived home, there was no gushy reunion. Both my little lads were busy in their own games with Nan-Nan. Cheers then boys!
( Well, at least I know there are both happy. It would have been so much worse if they had been distressed by my absence)
When the alarm went off on Tuesday morning, it was dark and chilly. It also came with the following realisation: Oh good god, it wasn't a dream. I'm actually back to this...
Wednesday I was home ill. Trust me, you really don't wanna know, but it also must be some kind of "How quick can you get ill after your first day back at work?" record...
Thursday was just stressful. Maybe I shouldn't have gone in, but some weird, determined work ethic makes me do crazy things, so I found myself back in there and praying for home time.
Lucky for me, Friday's are spent at home with my boys. So that wasn't too bad. I think Friday's are going to be even more precious from here on in...
I just can't seem to shake how tired I feel. As soon as the kids were in bed, that was it. I was out like a light! I actually managed to get out for a run this morning for the first time since Sunday and it was hopeless. I couldn't get around my usual circuit without slowing to a brisk walk several times.Maybe it's just the combination not running for a while, being poorly midweek and generally being absolutely shattered?!
I need to establish better routines so I can reclaim my me-time. All I really want to do at the moment is sleep!
Here's hoping that things get a bit easier and I get some routine established!
Happy weekend peeps!